HEREOF FAIL NOT AT YOUR PERIL or why do government forms suck?

From a UX perspective, I think the two most egregious violators of good UX are restaurant websites and government forms.  This example is for a subpoena I received, as a plaintiff, to go to court.  The proceeding was a result of a drunk undergrad trying to get in our house in the wee hours of the morning months ago.  He was out-of-his-mind drunk and woke up our entire house, broke our front door and we had to call the cops to get rid of him.  Months later we received the subpoena.  For the love of god, how is one supposed to make sense of this document or have faith that the local municipality knows what it is doing.

1.  Is this a Magistrate Court Subpoena or District Court Subpoena?  What are all the xxxxxxxxxxxxx doing almost blocking something out, but not quite.  Was this a fifth grade Junior Achievement project?  Wait, it’s not the same style as other things they spent more time to have blacked out.  Who was the winner that got a great deal on pre-printed forms?
2. Oh wait, now we’re blacking things out.  Check out the typing – are they using an IBM Selectric Typewriter? (Note: “The Drunk Undergrad” is my attempt to protect the guilty.)
3.  HEREOF FAIL NOT AT YOUR PERIL. WTF?!  Now I think I’m in trouble.   I was not familiar with the jargon, but a quick use of Google informed me that it means I’m at risk of contempt if I don’t show up.  Now remember, I didn't press charges, I've just been assigned a court date as a plaintiff.  So, The Drunk Undergrad continues to be a pain in the ass.
4.  OK, so who’s responsible for sending this? “Behold and witness the hand and seal” – that seems like Jules from Pulp Fiction is about to drop some serious shit on me…oh, wait it’s just the ramblings of an interim clerk.  What a letdown.  Not even a full-on clerk.  But, we can see this is not the clerk that was at the helm when Johnson County received a great deal on pre-printed forms.  What happened to that clerk.  Enough of that mystery, I still have to figure out what’s going on with this form and who’s responsible for this mess. Barbara Bigelow, you’ll help me out.
5. What’s up with your stamp Barbara J.? Is it in two parts? The Bigelow is second?  Ok, you’ll help me out if I have  a question, right?  Wait, are you a designee for yourself.  Confusion continues to rise.  I’m still hoping Barbara will be my point of contact – especially if she is using a signature and a stamp, and a seal.
6. Wait no,  It’s Abigayle Grimm…or is it Intern Abilgayle Grimm.  Intern is a weird name.  Again, not a lot of confidence that the attorney is an intern, or named INTERN, and the clerk is an interim. 
7. The fine print starts.  I begin to ignore as it has to deal with accessibility and does not apply to me.  I’m happy that the county makes these accommodations, and I’m strangely intrigued now by the bold print
8. Great, I better contact the disability coordinator about this HEREOF FAIL OR DIE A PAINDFUL DEATH statement.  Oh, OK, disability coordinators cannot provide legal advice.   Good to know, but I’m not confident that anyone listed on this subpoena, including me, can provide good advice.
9.  Holy crap, here’s the call to action.   Buried under the fine print. At this point, I’m convinced that Intern is Ms. Grimm’s first name. Why are they shouting and using all caps? Is it because they put the call to action so far down that nobody follows up.  Hmm, what if we bold it and put it in caps?  Sounds great, just make sure you print thousands of them.

Needless to say, I was not filled with confidence about the process.

Tropicana Design Mishap

As noted on "Under Consideration," Tropicana is reverting back to its old design...or the one that was recognizable.   The design may have been acceptable for a Web 2.0 site, but is not the right move when consumers, especially those in your tribe, are trying to find your product in the commodity laden refrigerated section.  The iconic logo was easy to spot and differentiated from other OJs. The new (now old) logo looked more like a generic.  

Perhaps the PR team will argue that this is generating buzz, but I don't think it's going to have a long-term positive effect on sales or the brand.  I'm curious to know what, if any, research when in to creating the creative blueprint for this.  I must say that this post makes me want to pour myself a nice glass of of pulp free Minute Maid.

Thanks to Rett for the link.

Don't violate the here-and-now...or don't scare people with bombs

Interesting article from Brandweek about a Dark Knight promo that bombed.

Here's the basics of the article:

A Dark Knight promotion, featuring a chocolate cake wired to look like an explosive device, prompted a local San Antonio, Texas, news station to call in the bomb squad earlier this week.
Echoing the Aqua Teen Hunger Force bomb scare in Boston in Feb. 2007, the low-budget guerilla campaign delivered some unintended results for the Santikos Theater chain.

A couple of things:
- Yes, you need to be symbolically unique, but you shouldn't be reckless (unless that's part of your brand).
- No, you shouldn't violate most general norms of your audience. The cake (as far as I know has no real safe signifier to folks to say "hey it's a joke."


There are a few of you out there that are saying "Hey, look, buzz..."if you still believe that hack version marketing, I have nothing for you. I just ask that you get out of you polyester used-car salesman suit and move on. In the case of the Dark Knight, I'm guessing that the record-setting weekend attendance wasn't from your guerrilla/dunce marketing team. It was from more traditional channels, supported by a sad story about a co-star, and an interesting use of trailers at Imax theaters last winter -- that were then propagated through YouTube.

I think the Aqua Teen Hunger Force (ATHF) version was a bit different, because its stunt, the people charged with the crime, and the "bomb" were all fairly well aligned with Adult Swim/ATHF guerilla promotion. So, it got some points for being grounded with its audience. Still a bit risky, but that's inline with the overall brand. The Dark Knight promotion seemed lazy and stupid...unlike the depth and thought provoking nature of the actual Batman text as interpreted by Director Christopher Nolan.

Electric Kool Aid Reebok Test?

Reeboks that smell like Kool Aid? More at BrandWeek.

Pick your preferred glib comment:

1. I just hope the converse isn't true. (Pun intended)
2. I'm not drinking the Reebok Kool Aid
3. Where's my wallet?

New York Economics

New York magazine has an interesting piece on economics of NYC. Want to know the basic business model for a pizza joint, the MOMA, a sex shop or the Yankees. You can find out here.

(via 37 Signals & Kottke)

Subway Dissonance

Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed some strange advertising choices for Subway. Subway over the past few years, primarily through Jared, have worked to differentiate themselves as a healthy alternative to traditional fast food. Beyond the sandwich having less fat (their qualified claim when there’s no cheese, oil, or mayo on your sub) than a Big Mac, Subway is now promoting ways to have a healthier meal – complimenting your sandwich with fruit and milk, rather than chips and soda. This makes sense to me. However, during the same television program I saw two Subway spots. The first one had Jared talking to little leaguers about Subways smart choice meals or fresh fit, or something like that – basically, “hey kids, don’t get fat, eat smart.” Less than twenty minutes later, Subway has another add that promotes a ginormous sandwich – so big they’re not sure how you’ll eat it. One is a steak and cheese sandwich – lots and lots of gooey, fat-laden cheese. This spot seems to say "you've given up on eating health, you’re happier when you’re full – chow down Sumo Sam!” The messaging creates a disconnect, even if the spots are hours apart, but minutes apart creates a fair amount of dissonance. So, I wonder what does Subway stand for? Their positioning doesn’t seem to ring true. Not only was a ball dropped on the creation of competing identities, another one was dropped by those doing the media buys and placement.

Dr. Z: Lose a few billion and call me in May

An interesting conclusion to the Daimler-Chrysler saga – less than ten years ago Daimler (known for premier cars and large trucks) bought Chrysler for $36 Billion. Now, Daimler sold 80% of Chrysler to a private company, Cerberus, for less than $8 Billion.

I’m not saying this is a bad move looking forward – you don’t want to throw good money after bad, but man is this humiliating for both parties. This is another real and symbolic blow to the American auto industry. One of the most prestigious automakers in the world spends nine years with you and says we’re willing to lose billions on this if you just take it off our hands. How will the brand be perceived moving forward?

Daimler will shed itself of the pension responsibilities of Chrysler and refocus on its strengths. Chrysler and Cerberus will need to get all three heads of that dog barking and heading in the same direction to help reestablish the remaining Chrysler brands (Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep, etc.).

So, what would be more interesting ways to spend (lose) $26 Billion over a decade? I used to think that when you’re in a position to make million-dollar mistakes you’ve really made it. This really makes me reconsider and resets that bar.

Dr. Z, please send $500 Million, if there’s no ROI in nine years, you’re only out $.5 Billion.

Which brand is hurt more?

In a lose-lose that only the fine folks at Wal*Mart can dream up, REO Speedwagon is touring Wal*Mart stores.

Where's the damn box?!?!

The line says "It's hard to find your litter box if you can't smell it." That's what I want, my cat to piss all over the place, even my red couch, so we don't smell the litter.

Somebody paid for a full-page ad in Entertainment Weekly to confuse potential consumers about why they might buy Fresh Step.

Why?

Why do ad firms and more importantly their clients allow commercials to portray their current customers as nimrods? I understand if you’re making someone who uses your competitor’s product or service, but why bite the hand that feeds you?

This has bugged me for some time. Two recent examples are a Comcast commercial and a TGI Friday’s commercial. The Comcast one shows a family having dinner and shouting at each other because of the high noise outside of their house. White Bread mom’s response to her son’s success is “that’s Comtastic!” The camera zooms out to show the family is living on a freeway. The commercial implies that life is fast (on the electronic super highway that is metaphorically portrayed by a dirty, congested, real-life highway?) with Comcast. If you’re dumb enough to live on the highway, perhaps you’d like Comcast? A similar commercial about two years ago, spoofing cables prices and how they suck, had a family that had to shout because their TV acted like a vacuum cleaner – obnoxiously loud and pulled everything towards it. The cable sucks campaign made a lot more sense and didn’t make satellite customers look dumb.

The Fridays example is in the vein of most beer commercials. White dudes have it rough when they date dumb women ( a quick aside, this as offensive is the “sausage fest” campaign from last year where four dudes sat together loving their meat.”) In this case, the man and woman are dining at a Fridays and are trying to order. The woman can’t make up her mind because of all of the possible selections on the three-course menu. While she keeps changing her mind, the boyfriend/husband gives up and his head drops to the table. Beyond the undercurrent of misogyny, we have the customer looking bad? In this case, why do they look bad, because the Fridays menu is so damn confusing -- we've got features, features, and more features, as our marketing hacks are turning us into a commodity. Fridays, why don’t you take it a bit further and just have your new tagline be “Fridays, where suburban dumbasses are separated from their money.”